Envy

I look out the glass window that suddenly ruptures into tiny shards

which then scatter like diamonds on top of the stairwell.

My heart drops dismally inside its porcelain cage

beating like insect wings.

I can feel your taunting, your boldness.

Your bice filth plummets into my stomach, yet again.

I look away.

Away from the lives of others, the lives I do not have.

The lives I grieve over with you on my shoulder.

You lurk just between the small hairs on my arms,

feeding my brain sorrow and of pity.

Oh pity me.

How you twist and distort my present moment,

robbing all perspective or reason,

drowning my lungs as would the sea to a small fishing boat.

And tearing my hair to spindly threads.

What poison you are to my being,

lurking around every corner,

waiting like a dog for a crumb.

First Sonnet

Clandestine Seaside

The sea pulls down the sky into these hands,

where it melts in strands upon my skin.

and spits its broken salt towards the land

before the foam from the brine spreads too thin.

While morning comes in a dozen fragments,

the sun sits alpine in its land of prisms.

Gulls squawk and divide in perfect alignment

while sweeping down to devour earth's sustenance.

Lighthouse in the clouds, so primitive and worn,

perched on top the hillside, in a languid sleep.

Driftwood oscillates from amongst the waves,

its details adorned on the shore, bunched in a heap.

The waves roll and weave, evenly from the tide.

This small island on the coast, a clandestine seaside.

I remember when my hair was full of knots and my knees stained with dirt. And when I spoke, my words were of questions full of wonder bubbling out of tiny rose lips. The heart I held within was as trusting as a delicate porcelain teacup. I wandered through thickets of weeds and sang myself lullabies entangled with fairytales. My world was delicious like homemade lemonade on a summer day. I never ran away when met with danger, my curiosity led me over unsteady hills and through exposed construction zones. Always was I ready for the unknown, charging to the depths of no return.

Oh how I loved when the wind rustled the leaves furiously, while teasing my balance, as I would pretend to tightrope across papery plywood as high as the stars. Always barefoot with holes in my heels from rusty nails that had punctured my pink skin.

As a blooming adult I hid behind my hair and retreated inside my shell like a crab on the sand. Twisted inward like an inside out tee-shirt. I had made a home in my shell, full of soft blankets and flickering tea lights. Id stay there until my thoughts were interrupted by human presence. I wore a mask that told a story which I was not familiar with. The freedom I held as a child was gone. I trapped myself in my own limited boundaries, afraid to walk away from my only drop of security. I've lived this way ever so. And so, I live in a tiny one windowed room where I watch the world outside pass me by. Where did the little girl go, who had once chased the world in dresses made of poppies. And ran barefoot through abandoned houses haunted with feathery ghosts. The girl who was out climbing mountains before the sun was at its peak and who slid down the banisters without holding on.

Where did she go? Where did she go?

Where did my fearless girl go.....

It can hardly matter. There are no words to express my sorrow, only in rooms and corners where I sit in the shadows.

Take Me Away

You tie me down by my white flesh
and straddle me with your knees.
The red sun burns your freckles further into your skin
and teases your golden locks with its fury.
I find myself entranced like moths to light
to the soft intensity in your pupils radiating the energy of the moon.
Your Iris's blue as sapphires and topaz stones:
I, your fragile insect wing, diminish under your formidable stance
while you take me through the sound barriers of existence
and to lands of crystal prisms.
Swallow me inside your grasp where the heart of the red sun burns
keep me safe in your minds willows, away from the daunting earth.
For i am your prisoner by choice and you, my angel of the sky.
I will follow you into the pastures of unknown freedom until
the night becomes a velvet cloak of diamonds.

Fences

I came across the rotting fences known for their sharp edges
consumed of putrid embalming of dead rodents.
Diseased and sick distressed blood on cement trailing to
the rusty switchblades sticking out of cultivating soil.
Sadness overcomes me like the limpid grass trying to grow in small circles as if to
stay together and rise above the unconquerable circumstances.
I walk away perplexed and estranged to the odd world we
end up decomposing in.
For the deterioration of our limbs mimics the fences in the yard
for their age and exhaustion.
I feel the ground beneath me begging to explain itself and the way
of the wicked inevitable threads of human adversity.

Written for my grandmother. RIP

You can find me in the silences between your thoughts,
in the landing of many cascading rain drops.
Through the hallows of the walls, in the stillness of the room.
between a word and a whisper, in a flower just abloom.
I dance within the colors of a brush stroke so boldly placed on wood
In the fragments of a jewel where the light is understood
You can find me in the particles of a dandelion being blown to the wind
or in words never said, went unheard and once had been.
I am like a lullaby that floats through the leaves.
I come and go with freedom and ease.
When you see the sun, i am the bliss within it setting
For i am here, always here and will forever be transcending.